Today I have cried all of the little amount of makeup I had on to begin with. I do NOT know how some people balance business and baby so well.

Cammy is pretty much always ‘easy’ but I’m definitely an attachment type parent, so instead of just throwing her in the other room, or in the pack and play– I like to stay near as much as I can. This is so hard running my business too, but it’s what feels right for my heart. Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t sit next to her every waking moment but I like to have her in sight or close by so I can make sure I have a safe eye on her always.

Today is one of those days where she is whining, crying, whimpering and screeching all-day-long with small happy breaks in between but it’s been so emotionally and physically tough on me, I had to melt down. It took me from 9am until 2:30 to get to the post office. There is a shortcut road to my post office that takes 3 minutes from my house..and it took me THAT long to get everything together and I only got to mail out 3 discs because she was having such horrible breakdowns, I wasn’t even able to burn any more. When I got to the post office, she was ripping the pen out of my hand and everyone kept skipping me in line because it was delaying me filling out a form. When I strapped her back in the car, she was fine. When we got home, she was fine. But all morning it was meltdown after meltdown and I in turn had my own.

When there’s a baby around, there’s something I used to do in particular that I really CAN’T do anymore. GET INTO A GROOVE. You know, get on a roll with editing, emails, just a lot of smooth uninterrupted work. Am I complaining about my baby!? HECK NO. I’ll take her over everything in this world, but I think it’s time we try to find someone to watch her ONE full day a week so that I can get things done. When people ask if I stay home with her and run my business, it sounds pretty easy. It is SO hard. Being a ‘stay at home’ anything is constant work. I hate seeing people get marked as lazy when they’re stay at home parents, it’s sooooooooooooo much more active work and emotionally depleting than people realize who have never been in that situation.

I have worked two jobs at a time, no car, riding the scary bus downtown Norfolk and know the meaning of hard work and taking care of myself, so this work ethic of mine is NOT going anywhere. My husband gets sooo mad when I cry about being rushed to hurry images back to people when I have a 12 week time frame to allow myself not to burn out while doing other life things and taking care of her, house and business but he doesn’t understand it’s not just the client who wants them back, it’s ME wanting them finished! I would give ANYTHING to have that one day a week (moms can accomplish what they used to accomplish in a week in a DAY if they are given that time!!!!!!!!!!!!!) to just get through editing smoothly and taking care of my clients that I am head over heels in love with. I LOVE fast turn around time, getting things ton, getting to the post office, I love working. I want to change my turn around time ASAP and get back on top of things!

With that said, we are looking for a friend/dependable person to keep Cammyswag at their home one day at week (preferably Mondays or Tuesdays) from 9am until 4pm. A lot of really nice people volunteer but this is our first baby and we are very protective and prefer someone with a lot of experience (she can be a tart, a real tart!) but she’s as sweet as can be. All she needs is someone to constantly stay around her and give her all of the attention and love she deserves!

Email me at amandahilbornhedgepeth@hotmail.com even if you are someone we have already talked to about it and you are interested. We were thinking $10/hour is a just amount? If it’s not- someone please holler at me and set me straight. Thank you! 🙂

Trying whipped cream today for the first time:

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The way she looked at me when I cried and apologized for being a crappy mommy. She tried to comfort and hug me when I cried, the kid is 8 months, she’s so tuned in and I love her sweet little heart <3

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Now she’s fine and in a great mood, so I’ve got a smidge of time to get ready to shoot bridals for an AWESOME bride who is coming from Richmond tonight- please please PLEASE rain hold off! I already freaked out when it down poured earlier!

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Posted by:amandahedgepeth

<p>Hey there! We’re a husband and wife team who has the honor to document inspiring wedding days for the most cheerful couples around. We have three daughters lovingly referred to as the mermaid mafia and we love nothing more than salty beach days, laughing as much as possible and living the simple, good life.</p>

3 replies on “One Of Those “I Give Up” Days + 1-Day Daycare Search | Personal

  1. Oh Amanda! I can totally relate. It doesn’t get easier as they get older either. My Noah gets SO jealous of my “working time” and this summer has been NO exception. I don’t want to ever make him think my JOB comes before him, but mama does have to make some $!! Good luck on your search for someone to care for Cammy! I am sure you will find someone dependable and loving. 🙂

  2. Just remember you are not alone in the mommy meltdown department. I think (hope) we all have days where we cry as much as our kids do (maybe more). I know I have had the same talk with my daughter apologizing for the rough mommy moments. I think getting into a routine is one of the hardest parts of being a stay at home parent. When you think you’ve figured it out they start cutting teeth or go through a growth spurt and you have to start at square one. My daughter just entered the two’s stage… and while it’s not terrible it’s definitely been all about her testing everything including my patience, but gosh my heart just melts when she says, “sowwwy mommmmy” or when she walks out of a room blows me a kiss and says, “miss moo.” Following your facebook/ blog and watching you grow your business while being a wife and mom is insanely inspirational. Chin up.

  3. If you didn’t alread know it, the church where Christa is pastor has a great mother’s day out program. Might be just what you need!

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