I’m sitting here, not knowing what to say. What can I possibly write about this angel to give her the words she deserves. A year ago, right now, I was laying in a hospital bed demanding my third or fourth snow cone of the day from my dad because I was starving, having contractions and desperate to meet my little girl. Tara was there with her camera, documenting me in all of my bloated and whiny glory and I am so grateful she was a part of my day. Having her there as a friend and photographer meant the world to me.
This is it, this is the last night we’re just two. Our little family of two, still slightly newlyweds are about to become three. Three of us?! How are we going to do this..are we going to be good at it? Are we going to protect her, health-wise, emotionally..will she be safe and happy enough with us? Everything started hitting me. When I leave this place, I’m leaving with a piece of my soul swaddled up in my arms and needing me for the rest of her life. Tomorrow will be the best day of my life.
No one can tell you how good this is. No one can tell you how incredible your life is about to become. I had a lot of positive advice and stories from people, but I had a lot more negative and inaccurate. If anyone out there told me “your life from that day on out will be better every single day”..then THAT person’s advice was spot on.
My birth wasn’t perfect. I had to be induced because of very low amniotic fluid and I ended up having a c-section. My scar is still in such pain but I have to block it out. My doctor said I just have a certain type of healing process, but boy it hurts like hell every day.
The first six months between Mike and I were hard. Very hard. We argued (which for us isn’t horrible when it happens but we just don’t like to do it at all) and my OCD and postpartum anxiety got the best of me a lot so the lack of control over the household duties was my biggest adjustment. We worked it out, he stepped up to the plate and we implemented systems of who does what around the house. It would have been easier to decide that ahead of time but we fixed it. Lesson learned. And guess what? I’ve decided to keep him! 🙂
The nursing was the hardest thing I have EVER gone through pain wise. It was beyond painful for 6 weeks, too. Oh my GOSH but I KNEW I had to. I just HAD to. Didn’t even have it come in for *five days* but it did and guess what!? As of tomorrow, I’ve hit my nursing goal of ONE YEAR. That’s an average of 2190 feedings and 185200 extra calories burned. It was worth it! I weigh FIFTEEN LBS LESS than BEFORE I was pregnant! Amazing! And, she’s *never* had an ear infection and she’s had one cold. She’s so healthy!
I have spent a YEAR taking pictures of her. I have spent a year sharing her life with everyone who watched my business and belly grow in 2011 at the same rate. It was INCREDIBLE. My daughter is my inspiration for everything. I have had quite a bit of stress lately and looking at her the other day when I sat her on the sink to wipe her little hands after eating, the look she gave me erased it. In that moment, she said Mommy I love you, don’t worry. So you know what I did? I let it go. The crazy people, the stress, maybe not the work anxiety because I do believe that’s what keeps me going and helps give my business that spark but the rest of it, gone. I refuse to make time for anything or anyone anymore who make any effort to steal my joy, because my joy is now her joy– and she deserves the best.
At one, she can walk and RUN, dance, sing, say tons of words (and even one potty word that Mommy accidentally spouted after tripping and falling over the baby gate– it’s okay, it’s hilarious and cute) and she can STEAL HEARTS like it’s no one’s business! We love you Cammy. We will keep loving you with everything we have for the rest of our days. Can’t wait to celebrate your birthday tomorrow big girl. We’ll get some cake, ‘shake our booty’ and lalalala with Elmo all day! 🙂 (And a possible trip to Carter’s!?!?)