Should I write this!? Should I post this..I don’t know, it makes me look so vulnerable and I don’t know how ready I am to put this out there.
Well, when it doubt, tell the truth. Don’t bury your burdens, face them.
I hope this reaches the right people and gives them hope. I hope that this sends a message to people who are picking their cameras up and trying to figure out their style, why it can be so hard sometimes, that they’re not the only person scared to hit the “post” button and put an image they created — aka their heart — out there for review and criticism.
Last night I was researching something and ended up falling on to one of my favorite blogs. So, I just started looking through the images, because I ALWAYS am in love with them. And something happened to me that hasn’t happened in WELL over a year, I started getting really upset. Why can’t I make my images look like this!? They are flawless. FLAWLESS. The cleanliness and the colors are something I am always so desperate for and even when I rock it out, get better and improve, and succeed at my little challenges I set for every session…I am still not where I want to be. I set VERY high goals, and I’m not there yet. AND I’m impatient so I WANT IT NOW.
I started crying!!!!!!!! I mean really, really, really crying. I was doing the big big big big big no no in this industry. I was comparing my still kinda beginning to someone else’s middle.
^So glad Justin & Mary posted this recently 🙂 They’re VERY uplifting!
I got in bed with my shiny new fresh wedding magazine, I’ve been on a roll buying them lately. I have some REALLY cool projects I’ve been giving myself lately to help me learn and grow a lot and those will be shared at a future Q&A 🙂 Mike could tell I’d been crying and he asked why, and I NEVER say I don’t wanna talk about it but that’s all I could say. I was ashamed that I had come so far and improved on SO many artistic and technical levels, and here I was crying that I didn’t have this pristine perfect look I was trying SO hard to achieve. I finally broke down and he reassured me, you WILL get there. You’re already SO close. You know the two things you want to improve on and that you’re trying to achieve in your images, so once you get there you have GOT IT. You’ve got it all, everything you want for you ability and style. He also told me that I knew better when it came to comparing myself.
The only person you should compare yourself to? THE OLD YOU. Your old work. So, that’s what I’m doing today in this post. In ever so perfect timing, I shot Kegan’s engagements recently and she was one of my first models.
Look at the difference. Boy, have I grown- and I need to be PROUD, not critical!!!!!!!!!!
And, here’s now 🙂
How could I sit and cry when I have come this far? Because- we ALL do it. My favorite photographers talk about how they’ve done it– they’ve been exactly where I was last night. I guess I got to a point where I was growing SO rapidly that I expected for it to continue, and it kind of hit a wall– and I wanted to do it all FAST. Well, you best believe in the next couple of months I plan to master these goals I’ve set for myself to achieve EXACTLY what I’m going for. I got this, I can do it. Hard work is the only thing standing in the way and I am going to SCHEDULE in practicing weekly- anything from macro shots, to jewelry details, flowers, shoes, clothes, ETC. Everything. IT’S ON 🙂
STAY POSITIVE EVERYONE! You’re never alone!