You know, I’ve been a mama for almost three years but there is something I am still new at when it comes to motherhood. It’s balancing the second baby and being a mama twice over, and remembering that the little girl who’s now technically the big girl is the one who made me a mama. And..she’s still a baby. She’s STILL my little baby girl and I will never let go of that.
She’s been asking me lately “mama, won’t I always be your baby?” “hold me like a baby!” “I wanna be your baby always!!!!” and I’m realizing that she is feeling like she’s being treated like she’s not the baby at all anymore. My heart breaks because she was the BEST little friend I ever had for those 2 years and 2 months before her sister arrived, and of course now it’s both of them equally but she is still learning to accept that and manage getting less personal attention.
Tonight on the way home from my session, I couldn’t help but start thinking of Cammy tirelessly and then sulking at the thought that she really is growing up past babyhood. She’s BRILLIANT, she’s gorgeous, she’s feisty and quick. I picked up a ROXY shirt for her today that I knew she’d look amazingly perfect in and I just CRIED thinking about it being a size 3. Gosh..it was yesterday she was 3 months old. She taught me patience, love, kindness, understanding and how to forgive myself for not being perfect. She also hooked Ellie up in the having better parents department, my little trial and error baby I called her at the CLIC conference recently.
So after the session…I came home, ate dinner with her, put up my session sneak peek and then told Mike to get pants on her (cause she is NEVER wearing any at home most of the time lololol) and then I took her..just her and I to our new little ice cream digs, Surfin Spoon. They’re open to 11 for summer hours..it was perfect. She felt so cool and it was ADORABLE. “Mama, it’s Cammy and Mommy time. We are besties. We are girlfriends. We’re getting chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinkles, baby MnM’s and marshmallow puff.” She’s SO articulate and specific and it’s amazing!!! 🙂
IF you are having a hard time balancing both babies and feel like your oldest is acting out..trying to reserve a LITTLE time where they are getting full attention is so important for them. I’m just learning more about this, but basically even if Ellie is being good, I’m still paying a lot of attention to her and watching what she’s doing, moving her around, feeding her, picking her up, etc..and Cammy gets put unfortunately on the back burner.
It was a GREAT feeling for her, she was so confident and she’s bragging about it this morning — because last night in the car on the way home, she’s singing Taylor Swift Red one minute, I’m reaching back super uncomfortably to hold her hand regardless if my arm goes numb … and then she immediately fell asleep as we held hands 🙂 I had the windows down driving on beach road, no humidity, perfectly in the 70’s — I’ll probably never forget that moment.