Welcome to the blog, new series! The Salt & Sunshine Series was kind of in the cards and destined for this blog corner of the world..and some of you are really starting to think I’ve turned into a gypsy or maybe even a hippie that’s pitching a tent and sleeping on the beach at this point. Well– don’t put that past me! I absolutely would do that…when it’s warm, in the summer..but no..my soul is just very, very connected to all things GOOD right now. Even with the recent event of losing my brother, last Sunday for my second beach walk of the day at sunset, I walked alone and laughed out loud!!! A BIG difference from the scream & cry out loud a week before. I laughed, I cried happily, I smiled. That’s my salt air language, I just feel things and feel them deeply when foot meets sand and eyes meet ocean after the brisk walk across perfectly worn beach road to get to my haven. Parking your car at that access and getting out of the car meets the emotion of getting out of bed and waiting at the top of the steps Christmas morning. Every single beach trip for me is Christmas morning.
Salt & Sunshine series is about enhancing life. I want everyone to know that it’s never too late to start loving yourself and your family more, waking up happier and making better life decisions. Sunshine and salt air have a way of making these things clear for me and I want to bring those things to you via the blog! 🙂
There will be friends and colleagues reading this who live at the beach. They will say, “it’s just the beach” or harbor other feelings of “so whats” and “big deals” regarding that elaborate, soulful and passionate beach description above. THAT, my friends, is where today’s blog post topic comes in brilliantly like that perfect gust of slightly cool breeze on a muggy hot summer day. Perfectly and completely necessary. If you read those things and thought it was too much, annoying or not for you…we are NOT vibing together.
Moving here took away a lot of extra stimuli I didn’t need. It used to keep me feeling….busy. Anxious. Or like I needed to be busy. If we needed dinner we could drive through a Panera or do carryout at a variety of like 30 restaurants from Virginia Beach to Greenbrier that all stayed open til 11 or midnight. Here..not so much..and I like that. Our journey here has been about simplicity and you guys that word is life FREEING. We sold so many beautiful and amazing things to become simple!!! The clutter is down 50% at LEAST (that.is.huge) and we are focusing more on memories and not things! Take away the city lights and Targets open late night for me to peruse and we’ve got a recipe for soul reconnection..just before I turned 30 years old. Perfect timing.
After moving, I starting understanding the energy I gave out more because I had less external stimuli and more connection time with myself, life, nature and the beach. With my kids and husband, too! I started growing up immediately but in the best way. Now, my friends Misty, Erika, Amanda, etc will tell you– when I am venting I am rolling it out as fast as I can because I just want to get it out. Out of my system. And then..I want to be done with it — and I even complain about not wanting to vent or being grumpy..haha! I don’t like it! It’s bound to happen…but I noticed a REALLY CLEAR PATTERN with these negative vibes. They didn’t come from nothing. They came from others. More recently the negativity was coming from family members and funeral planning, which is to be expected. Here is what I want you to know and SEE today to start changing things for yourself!! Listen listen listen to me! Change your life with some simple thoughts and actions!!!
1. Are you the negative vibe? I see a lot of people posting about good vibes & positivity & etc. Now, we are all entitled to good and bad days…but what does most of your energy get spent on? Are you sitting and comparing yourself on social media to others, complaining to your friends day in and out, dwelling, talking about people? We don’t even realize how much we complain. I’m not saying I’m Polly Perfection and I never do it…I’m saying I DO and that’s why I recognize it and I revert back as soon as I can. I look back over texts I write and think about phone conversations with Mike on his work breaks and I’m like– was that time well spent? How much did I complain to Mike on his short 10-15 minute breaks and during his lunch hour? Once I started realizing this months ago, I saw an incredible change and started having more meaningful, upbeat and positive conversations. Catch yourself and turn it around. Never too late to start!
2. DON’T FALL INTO COMPLAINING WITH SOMEONE CONSTANTLY BECAUSE IT’S EASY CONVERSATION TOPIC. I still do this, too! I try to catch myself! I see this all the time. Spouses tend to do this a lot with one another. But…girls especially! Once they start talking bad about someone they can rollllllll forever with the subject! Hello, I am so guilty of it and I’ve been trying so hard to not do this anymore, no matter what the situation! Instead..I try to turn it into a problem solving based conversation. “This person is so & so…and I need a plan of action to figure out what I need to do next, etc” — Do not be afraid to be the person to say, let’s be positive. Let’s figure out how to solve this issue or how to strategically tuck it away for now. You do have the power to do this in a conversation! Have you seen THIS complaint-free challenge? I want to try it so badly and I think I will!! 🙂 But that leads me perfectly into the next point…
(LOVE following She Reads Truth and this spoke to my heart recently! You know I’m an art history loving girl!)
3. Is your friend bad news? I remember last year getting a vibe. I ignored it. I mistook wanting to get along with everyone for being completely silly and ignoring a vibe. As I started finding peace with myself and others slowly, I got sucked into the negative whirlpool of gossip with someone who loved bringing it up and oh I regret being so weak then! I thought it was our way to bond! Then something happened that red flagged me over and over and I should have taken the sign. They told me about their best friend’s biggest secrets. And then more. And all kinds of things you just don’t say about your very best friend, if that’s what they are! They were telling me one thing and doing another and I had no idea until others pointed it out to me and tried to warn me….and trust me, I let that go on for way too long. But you’re either a blessing or a lesson and that was a big life lesson that ultimately was AMAZING because it led me back to discovering my faith by being burned so deeply by them! I actually am grateful for that negative life experience because it brought me closer to God realizing that I needed Him sometimes more than I realized to get through things.
And I am not completely innocent on this!! I used to do this, too– when I was unhappy with myself and I think that’s a clear sign of what it says about the person saying it. I am an adult woman and should have known better but I got charmed the wrong way for a while. If your friend spends most of your conversations saying bad things about people who are their friends or who have done nothing to do them to deserve it..and they are just bashing, that’s a bad sign. I’m not talking about you helping them through hard times with people, I’m talking about just-because and out-of-nowhere criticism. They are doing it to you, too. Trust me…they are. That energy gets to you. That negativity gets to you. You may not even be reciprocating! You may be just listening..but your life quality is going down down down being on the other end of that. Your time on this Earth deserves better than that.
4. Making time for peace, you and connection. If you can take 2-3 times a week to be alone..you gotta take it. Now THAT is something I couldn’t have said years ago because I didn’t like being alone. You know why, looking back now I realize that? I didn’t even like myself, or my thoughts. I was an upbeat person but I wasn’t a truly happy person, and I was very critical of myself. I didn’t like where I was emotionally because I had been wrapped up in negative vibes but trying to live a positive life..and it can’t work that way. Alone time..a bath, a book (NOT A PHONE), a beach walk, an ALONE grocery store trip. Get a great book like Thrive or Make It Happen and something I recently started in December, start a journal! I had *NO IDEA* how therapeutic that was going to be! You know, when you have to sit and write versus type..you have to truly decide how you are going to prioritize that limited time. The energy of your hand. So when I journal, and I have something negative to say, it’s short and sweet and also has a plan of action and solution to make it NOT something negative or how to get it out of my life. INCREDIBLE! This time alone, channeling, feeling, finding peace…it helps you develop stronger and more positive vibes for yourself!
5. Make the cut — quality over quantity. You know this, you learned this years ago right? Quality of who you are spending your life around what you are you spending your time and money on…it’s everything, friends. This is a really hard subject to talk about for many people…but even some family members you just can’t be around because of their negativity and I’ve talked about it with my most trusted and close friends. Family is important, but not at the expense of your life quality and health. Some family members suck so much out of your happiness (my late brother in his later days with the drug use and addiction) that you have to say “I love you, but I can’t spend time with you unless you change your attitude…our vibes don’t mix” ….because since when it did become okay you to spend time with people who are making you completely sad and miserable just because of blood relation? That’s not living life. That’s fulfilling some antiquated myth that family is family and you MUST love them no matter what and let them suck you dry if that’s who they are and give them your time. No you guys…no. Some friends are family, too. My little family of four, that’s my priority. I love my other family members but I can choose who I spend my time on Earth with because I need to be the best version of me for my daughters and husband and that means surrounding myself with the right people. This goes for friends, too! We do have a choice. Don’t stay stuck in a negative friendship because you’re afraid of the way the person will react when you distance yourself. If you died tomorrow– would you be glad you spent your last couple of days on negative and draining conversations with these people? Or shallow ones talking about people that have no goal except to just criticize? I’d rather know I spent it on my daughters and husband, group text messages with too many smileys and hearts and on things for my brides and blogging for others. And….going to the beach 🙂 Lots of that!