I have re-written this blog three times!! Tonight, I asked Mike….how in the WORLD will I write this blog and not sound so…smug? So righteous, so full of myself. When I write blogs to get heavy things off my heart, he and I know they need a purpose. A full layout to the reader that says “here’s the issue, it did this to me, and here’s how I SOLVED IT” — a successful blog that ends with a lesson.
I’m going to do that here, but the disclaimer I’m tossing out first is this: If you don’t read my words with sincerity, with a calm and genuine tone– then don’t read them. Promise me! Okay, if you’re still reading, I’m assuming you promised 🙂 Social media is such an amazing thing but it’s also very tricky– we are all reading one another’s words, and not hearing them…and trust me, that makes a big difference and creates intense and unnecessary relationship or potential relationship barriers. As hard as we try sometimes, we can’t understand each other’s tone through words on a screen sometimes. So, even if you’ve been one of the people who I’m about to discuss, don’t take it personally– just READ my words and understand the point!! 🙂
I have a really, really, really good problem. The problem with this good problem is that, it hurts…even though it’s a compliment. I feel silly writing this– but enough people have messaged me (several..not just 1 or 2…several) within the last year to tell me something very strange, but honest, and bold.
They didn’t like me because I was too happy.
Did you just read that? Detailed, heartfelt and truthful admissions of either not liking me, being jealous, being hesitant to believe I am truly this annoying positive and that I love life this much!!! People who have said to me, “I am so sorry I didn’t believe you could actually be that happy. And now I realize you really do choose this happiness daily- because I’m practicing it in my own life finally!”
HAHAHA — I KNOW!! I know you are thinking, Amanda stop being so darn smug! You are bragging! But no. Don’t label me as anything but keeping it real right now y’all. Believe the words pouring out from my heart to my fingers to the MacBook on my lap in my $995/month condo with a horrible paint job from the 90’s…believe me. I am not writing this to brag– THIS WILL REACH SOMEONE. THIS WILL EFFECT THEIR LIFE. It’s for THEM!!!
Still reading the way I asked? You promised! 🙂
To those people who have sent me this message…thank you for your honesty, but let me tell you something. You made me cry. You really hurt me and I know that sounds weak and pathetic but you did. I’m grateful for your honesty, I am, but just because you aren’t on the same page…telling someone they are fake for their positivity, their happiness, their overall GOOD outlook on life…it’s just not fair. What I wanted for a brief moment was a window to pull them up to and tell them to look into me sitting on the ground waiting for the awful bus in Norfolk to take me to work, where I was lucky to make 10% tips from half of the customers where I worked. When I finally got a car how it was immediately broken into. The partying that almost consumed me because of how depressed I was, the awful boyfriend who treated me like dirt. The weight issues, the assault I mentioned in the Reuniting With God post. So— you think I’m fake because I’m this happy now?
I am thankful for the admissions, like I said! I AM! But you know what, thank God I made it through those hard times and today I am alive, thriving, a mother and wife and doing something incredibly important and meaningful for a living! I pray that anyone else, watching and judging someone live out their dreams can find happiness for them instead of resentment or jealousy. I PRAY that people will stop reading things in the wrong tone on social media. I hope that a revolution of kind and confident women is on the horizon and instead of the critics and trolls — we will have leaders, learners and INSPIRED artists and business owners everywhere instead of competitive Debbie Downers all over the place! One blog post that helped me SO much recently was by my dear friend, mentor and wedding photographer Katelyn James. The girl is everything. She’s an innovator, she’s an artist, she’s dedicated to God and to serving others and treating them like gold. I LOVE her heart and how much she has gotten me through the hardest few months and wanted to of course, give her a shout out here today! You must go like her page and you will LOVE her work, trust me! 🙂
We’re in life together. We’re on this journey together. I’ve grown up more in the past couple of years, especially the last year than any other period in my life. It’s like a re-birth and it’s amazing! I am seeing things from a more clear and mature perspective, and although I’m SO flawed and let my emotions still get the best of my sometimes, I’m practicing and learning about grace daily. We all deserve a little, but how can we work toward not needing to be forgiven so often in the first place? In The Best Yes — the chapter I just finished is about WISDOM, and practicing slowing down and making wiser decisions constantly…starting with small, small life things. This means thinking more deeply about what you want to assume, think, say, how you want to act. OHHH did I need that years ago, but I was failing miserably! Now I do my best, and when emotionally evoked, I do explode a little from time to time but I am getting so much better! She says “Wisdom makes decisions today that will still be good tomorrow” — so before you assume, think it through. I can’t believe I have the good problem of not being liked for happiness, but after everything my life entailed years ago….I will TAKE that.
When someone tells you they don’t like you or are upset with you– and they give you a reason that seems kind of ridiculous, silly, over-analyzing or immature– think about what they’re really saying. Is it about you…really? Or is it about themselves? Give yourself credit when those who don’t know you and your heart are trying to burn you or even control the moves you make and who you are because of what they want you to be. Take it as a good problem and move on — build a STRONG foundation with the bricks thrown at you! And you know what? I’ve thrown bricks, too. I am FLAWED. I am a human who is SO flawed and has been so wrong before but I’m a completely different person than I used to be as I’ve evolved, grown up, found my purpose and my own personal reasons to be happy and grateful! I no longer feel the need to throw bricks but to help others pick up the bricks that others have thrown at them and HELP them build those foundations!!!! And make them STRONG!
I believe in my heart you can get past these moments. If you are positive and are surrounded by negative people, peace outta there OR work to change their hearts. Start a happiness revolution! You deserve to spend your life on Earth as happy as possible and don’t your kids deserve that from you? Your husband? Your pets? YOU DESERVE IT TOO! I wish you the BEST of luck!!! 🙂
Come live in the sunshine with me! 🙂
And one of my favorite texts from a friend over the weekend: