There are a hundred different versions of this blog post I’ve drafted in my mind, and yep, some in my WordPress blog post folder just waiting for me to hit publish on. But… as much as I try to convey what I want to say, it always sounds…whiny. I hate complaining, but I also recognize as I get older that there is a HUGE necessity to create understanding and community amongst like-minded people and people in similar situations in life in order to feel less alone and less like we are alone in messing up and experiencing hardships. That’s why this series FLOURISHES on my blog stats when I post something for it! New moms, seasoned moms alike..we get each other..so can we unite over this today, if it relates to you?
I am a generally super nice and friendly person. I love holding the door open for others, I love tipping well, I love treating employees and cashiers with respect, I love people. Even on days when the girls are losing it, I try to stay positive and friendly.
But there is just this thing…let’s just call it a thing. People LOVE to make comments to moms and pregnant women. It’s weird really, especially when it’s coming from a grown adult who seems to be missing a huge piece of social awareness in their demeanor and you wonder…did you really just say that? That’s when nice moms can’t help but get mad and we deserve to. Because it gets old, repetitive and draining and mamas have enough on their plates already!
Here are the things that GOTSTA GO…and some suggestions for alternative comments you can use to avoid making a nice mama turn into “mama kitty likes to scratch” as I call it, hahaha!
1. Pregnant women and their size. It’s strange that this even needs to be stated. You just don’t comment on it. You don’t ask if there are two in there. You don’t GASP when a woman says she still has “X” amount of months to go and ask her how much bigger can she possibly get. You just don’t comment on a woman’s size while pregnant..because really, at least we have an excuse. Some of the guts on these dudes commenting on mine I just wanted to comment back and say..what’s your excuse, when you are due?!
Alternative comment(s): You really look amazing! You carry well. You are glowing. You look so healthy/beautiful/ANYTHING positive! You are adorable. I mean, these are pretty easy right? Just don’t comment on the weight as being a bad thing.
2. Women with more than one child, pregnant with a child or two with them. You’re about to hear the ONE thing that gets me more than anything in the world…ever..ready?!?! “You have your hands full!” Oh my gosh. You are brilliant, Sherlock! I can’t believe you can count and determine that I do indeed have my hands quite full. But when I go to the post office and hear it, and then the bank and hear it again, and then Harris Teeter and there it is again…I wonder…what is the point of your comment? I have my hands full? And at the end of the day I have my house and heart FULL of love and amazing daughters! It’s mostly when there’s a struggling in carrying someone or handling a breakdown and that’s why it’s such a draining comment.
Alternative comment(s): I would *love* to hear this one just once instead of you have your hands full: you are doing a GREAT job mama. I want to hear someone say something positive about me handling those “full hands” instead of just blatantly stating the obvious and looking like a jerk. Making a mama who is struggling feel like she is doing a great job regardless of the chaos is probably the nicest thing you can do for them that day…TRY IT! 🙂
3. Did you plan on getting pregnant or was it an accident? I’m not trying to be rude but I’ll go ahead and say it…did we all not learn how babies are made in 4th grade? And if you have read anything you know that certain methods of birth control are NOT 100%..in fact, most of them aren’t..so if you know anything about basic biology….it shouldn’t be a surprise 😉 And let’s not forget the fact that asking someone this question is really personal and strange unless they are a close friend…so put a filter on it!!!
Alternative comment: CONGRATS ON YOUR PREGNANCY! Leave it at that, pals! 🙂
Don’t make a nice mama kitty scratch 🙂 Just think of what is the more sensitive option commentary wise and roll with it! It’s hard to understand just who will find what offensive, and trust me I would RATHER not be so sensitive to it but it’s hard when it’s coming from all kinds of sources all the time and TRUST me those postpartum hormones can make you into a Sensitive Sally quicker than you realize! 🙂