I think a lot of us who have negative pasts full of dark corners and very undesirable memories tend to continue over and over shaming and punishing ourselves…as if we are never to be redeemed or forgiven for these mistakes that we made, incidents that happened to us and poor decisions we chose to repeat along the way.
Without getting too preachy (I do that now, but I love it) — I just want you to know you ARE loved. You are not trash, your heart and soul aren’t to be thrown away. You don’t have to continue bad behavior just because it’s what you’re used to and you’ve already done too much to be redeemed or saved. When I was planning on majoring in Social Work and Child Welfare…I studied this a lot. Some people don’t know any better because they haven’t been shown any better, but most people actually KNOW and recognize right from wrong but don’t value themselves enough to make the “right” decisions. They risk everything because they don’t love themselves or have any self worth.
I’m in my 30’s now and like a completely different soul altogether than I was just a few short years ago. I value my time, my family’s time, I value others differently and it’s a beautiful thing. I used to continue bad habits because I had no sense of confidence or self worth at all…I was just so, so broken. I was loved by others but hated myself. It makes me really insecure to admit I didn’t love myself for that many years of my life but it makes me feel SO unbelievably proud to tell you today that I am so content, so loving toward others on a very genuine level and even cooler…really happy to make decisions that are good for me and my family without blinking an eye, without caring what anyone thinks. I do this now because I finally realized happiness was available to me and that although I was a terrible, cruel, depressed, empty human at different stages in my life….I DID DESERVE IT….and you do too.
You’re not done, you’re not beyond repair. You really aren’t. Stop beating yourself up until you’re paralyzed…look clearly at who you are in the absolute core of your soul and realize that as long as you are living to love others well, you are doing God’s work (or whoever you believe in!) and you are worth LIVING this LIFE with all of us until it’s your time to go. If you knew what I came back from in the darkest times of my life, you wouldn’t believe me when I told you…but there’s beauty in that brokenness because it’s when you’re most likely to be forced to create your own light in pitch black darkness. Finding a way to create your own light is survival. I don’t just talk about light and sunshine all the time because I love sunny days that much, it’s because I’ve quite literally CREATED a way to make it surround me even on days and weeks where it continually rains. There is so much beauty in loving yourself and seeing the light in yourself but the cool thing about it is that the better you love yourself and let go of your past woes, the quicker you’re available to take care of other’s hearts the way they deserve. You can actually change the world by finally deciding to love yourself. Happy Thursday 🙂