Hi, I am an extremely Type A girl married to an extremely Type B boy. I knew that going into this and had NO idea what kind of a ride that would truly take us for.
We’ve been together ten years, married for over seven and we have three beautiful little girls who make our world go round. We know each other SO well and we know that my love language is any form of help assisting getting things done around the house and watching the kids to give me a minute and Mike’s is definitely affection and words of affirmation. I like a little bit of that too, but help and child care rank up even higher for me…oh what a stickler I am, lol. You can call me pretty but if you wash the dishes so I don’t have to, I will TRULY fall head over heels for you, HAHA!
The Lifeflow lists (click here to shop) were born from a place where our marriage was NOT doing great…and we are not that couple who fights. We just aren’t. I got QUITE enough of that in the past and after the last dud of a relationship I decided I wouldn’t be with someone who thrives off of starting arguments or enjoys conflict. I’d been drained enough and I needed something way different. Along comes Mike and I think wow, it CAN be SO good! And it WAS!
A couple years in, however… that sweet, laid back Type B personality started to effect me. I was growing a business and welcoming a baby soon and I needed someone who was a little more in order when it came to getting things done, the house, etc. It pained me to be the person to say “pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper” and for a while, I took on a mom role with Mike that caused a lot of resentment and he will tell you himself how ridiculous it was for a while. He would continue cramming things on top of the trashcan while it overflowed and not take it out until I said “Mike, take the trash out” (always waiting for delegation) and he would step over spills and messes and always wait for me to clean them up…like a child. And I’m not saying this disrespectfully to be demeaning to my husband…he KNOWS this and will look you right in the eye and tell you how ridiculous it was. He owns it! He knows he was lazy. We always chalked it up to being “type B” but there is a point where it’s actually about being a grown up or a kid. He was a kid. Something needed to change.
It started with the lists, and we will both tell you they are life changing IF YOU USE THEM. You have to commit. You can’t buy a tool or book or program and expect things to just change. Commit to it! Make the time to create it based on your family and your needs and then put it in a place you will see daily and update. We had ours done last night already for today and we are scratching things off already at 7am. But along with these lists we’ve learned the real winner here when it comes to changing a marriage for the better.
- ROUTINES ARE A GIFT!
- Routines are NOT restrictive (if done right) — but rather, offer you much needed freedom in other areas of life!
- Routines mean you are on the same page and communicating WELL!
- Routines mean you are adulting 🙂
- Routines offer stability in inevitably chaotic times. Being on top of your stuff when something goes wrong can help you immensely. After our car accident, I was so grateful that we weren’t a huge mess at home. It made recovering so much easier than it would have been otherwise!
Implementing routines is a way for Type A and Type B couples to come together and understand one another a little better. I know I want things done a certain way for us to have a more organized and smooth household, and Mike needs instructions and delegation and a LIST to tell him how to keep up with that. I’m not mad about that…that’s WHO he is! But constantly fighting and having resentment build up won’t solve that at all.
What made this marriage completely transform was an understanding of what the mutual responsibilities were and when they needed to get done. We put that on paper (lists and lists and lists), made it a SIMPLIFIED system and ran with it.
I respect Mike more now than ever because he takes it seriously and has just become this entire new guy who has motivation and confidence knowing he has things to get done on his end and it’s just sitting on the counter daily on our folder with a pen waiting to get checked off. Because he’s serving my love language well (help with house/chores/kids) – we communicate differently now. SO much better than before. There is much-more-flirting 🙂
I love you Mike and this place we’ve come to. I have a feeling it can only get better and better 🙂
Want to keep up with an Outer Banks mama of three sweet (and oh so wild!) little girls shooting weddings & small business photography while making time for the things that matter most? Click on the links below and let’s connect!