Yesterday we got up around 5am. It was hard..we had gone to sleep at ONE that same day..so we were running on an emotional and burnt out 4 hours of sleep! We packed the car and headed to Bonnie’s Bagels on the way out of town and I sat there in the car thinking, Tony would have something to say about these carbs. That’s how he was, not afraid to tell you you’re eating poorly and out of shape…HAHA….he’s reading these words as I write them now like yep, it’s true! 🙂

When I got there, I was instantly overwhelmed, Ellie’s diaper was just plain cruel and we had to take care of that when we parked at the church. Additionally, Cammy spilled her orange juice and it was all over her butt, looking like she peed her pants. We arrive in fashion, what can I say! HAHA! We quickly carried in the kids and the cork board and we pinned furiously all of these images of my brother’s life. Then the service started.

If you heard “Mickey, Mickey, Mickey” during the service– that was Ellie. She insisted on calling out Mickey Mouse’s name the entire time..she has no idea WHY he wasn’t there and she was letting us know she was mad! She danced during the songs and she clapped when people sang. She definitely is starting to be our little wild girl and she just wanted to play so after throwing her paci to the row in front of us, smacking me in the chest and screaming like an ape and pulling her sister’s hair..we decided to take her out 🙂 Mike first, then G-Dog.

Cammy and I sat there and the inappropriateness continued. A shoe went flying into the row in front of us, Cammy loudly exclaimed “Mommy, your boobies aren’t boobies they are pillows!” and then when people finished speaking and doing readings at the front, she stood up and clapped and yelled (and she was the ONLY one doing this obviously) “GOOD JOB! GOOD JOB YOU DID IT!!!!” — yes, at a funeral. Tony, you’re so welcome for the entertainment!! 🙂

Some people would think this is all so horrible and inappropriate…but it’s not. It’s actually cheerful, uplifting and what some people need to get through this kind of tragic event. Babies and children represent all things hope and happiness, possibilities and big new beginnings..and when they sort of “crash” a funeral and make themselves be heard, it brings a nice lightening to the situation. When I shoot weddings and the flower girls and ring bearers absolutely go off path and do silly things and don’t go perfectly down the aisle by the book…THOSE moments are actually a blessing because the guests mood instantly lightens and any tension in the air kind of dissipates. This is how we view the paci throwing, Mickey yelling, boob commenting standing ovation moments from yesterday! 🙂

But my favorite part of the day was meeting Megan and Taylor. Taylor is Tony’s son and he truly, truly, truly loved him and it was amazing to see him feel that way about a child. The pain of Tony’s loss is so hard for all of us in different ways and seems to be WAY harder some days and then in the far distance others…but seeing that little boy yesterday, a piece of him left on this Earth and seeing Megan take such great care of him and be such an outstanding mom..it was so comforting. Then..my even MORE favorite part happened…the cousins met!!!

And oh my gosh they are so, so, so unbelievably adorable and we all can hardly stand it. If you don’t already, follow us on Instagram and see all the love and even the CUTEST little video of them snuggling!! And smooching! Seriously, I just kept thinking about how badly I wish my brother was standing there with me watching them play. I know he was in a way, but I wish he physically was. I am so glad to have Megan and Taylor in our lives and I am getting closer to knowing and understanding my purpose from this story and how I can use it for good to help others.

We can finally start to try to heal now, we will always love and miss you <3