Let’s just start with being COMPLETELY HONEST and FORWARD:
Because of the audacity I had to create a personal brand…
Our family lives on the Outer Banks
I have consistently doubled OR tripled my husband’s income yearly
I get to call the shots on when and where I shoot and be a little picky
I was able to start a nonprofit that serves the homeless
And this list could go on but those are the biggies worth highlighting.
The best part of ALL, however, is IMPACT.
Sharing our lives via having a personal brand that parallels with our business growing has allowed us to make people feel inspired, less alone, motivated, heard and understood. This to me will always make sharing personally WORTH IT.
But SO MANY PEOPLE who have the ability to create the lives they want AND make an impact will never get to this point because of one major factor: FEAR.
Fear is the number one thing holding people back from sharing who they are online as a personal brand. Fear of exposure, vulnerability, criticism, judgement, putting people off.. fear of being TOO MUCH, fear of NOT BEING ENOUGH… it’s just fear. We can call it so many different things but the root of it is fear. So how do we overcome this paralyzing emotion?
We don’t, and we won’t ever overcome fear itself, but we can reroute our MINDSET on what it is we really need to be fearful of. And more importantly, who we are choosing to listen to when it comes to criticism.
We have to make a decision. I recently asked Sharon Hundley, Angie McPherson and Hope Taylor what gave them the courage to have a personal brand and what gives them the courage to show up on Instagram and social media despite the fears that most of us share but rarely talk about (listed in our previous blog post, and there were a LOT) and there answers were amazing.
All three ladies stated that whatever it was that drove them to show up was BIGGER than their fear. The need to show up to run a business that stood out and connected with others, and you can’t do that in silence and hiding. These ladies need to make an impact and live out their purpose and calling and we can NOT do that if we aren’t showing up authentically and getting a little vulnerable. They chose their purpose over their fear. You have to evaluate which you want to outweigh the other, and if the answer is CALLING over FEAR: then we move on to the soul work.
So, if you’ve made the choice to move forward bravely… CONGRATULATIONS! You are going to OWN YOUR OWN LIFE AND LIVE IT ON YOUR TERMS. Below I’m going to list a variety of emotional holdups people shared about what keeps them from having a personal brand and sharing on social media and I’ll give you my BEST soul work resources and recommendations. I’ll be 100 with you when I say that some of you guys (like ME) may need to consider therapy for your soul work. When our family was in a car accident three years ago, I saw a therapist for the trauma and we ended up moving our therapy work to be applied to the cyber stalker situation I encountered and she COMPLETELY helped me through it and it was the *epitome* of why people are terrified to be themselves online.
I am not someone who has a record of being perfect and being perfectly loved and accepted by everyone and that is why I UNDERSTAND your holdups. I am writing this series of blog posts and newsletters and doing these Instagram live videos for you because I just want you to know I get the fear but I also get that what’s on the other side of that is freedom. I am here for you. I am your virtual BFF walking you through this and I can’t wait for you to suit up and be a gladiator in that arena with me.
Polled STRAIGHT from our Instagram community, here are the biggest emotional holdups:
I’m afraid of not being liked
I’m scared I’ll be TOO much and turn people off
Other people’s opinions of me
I’m worried people will think I talk about myself too much
I don’t want to seem like I’m attention seeking
I don’t want people to think I’m weird
Rejection and vulnerability
My clients won’t like my personal posts
Negative feedback from judgmental family
Some of these break my heart, but all of them suck to hear, BUT – I GET IT. There is a common theme here I want you to understand because this is where the soul work begins.
The common thread with all of these emotional holdups is that the person who is scared to show up on social media with a personal brand is weighing their worth based on the approval of others. This is the mindset that needs to change. My therapist told me that I need to be my own advocate and approve of myself and stop giving that power to others first. Wow. She was incredibly right. What are we even doing if we aren’t our own advocates in this life?
If we like, care and believe in what WE are saying and sharing – THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. Ultimately these are our pages, our social media accounts and our brands and when we start to share things that will connect with other people – we will attract those who are hearing it and feeling connected with our message and repel those who don’t. And THAT sentence is usually where I lose people because…what did we say earlier? FEAR. But STOP. You are MEANT to repel some people. If you think you can liked be everyone by treading lightly and saying the perfect thing all of the time… you can’t. And that’s good! You can’t be well-received by everyone and that is how you niche down to find your community and people. And that is okay. The fact that some people won’t like you IS OKAY. EMBRACE IT!!!!
So first, therapy is my #1 recommendation for those who deal with a painful level of people-pleasing to the point where it compromises their mental, emotional and even physical health. But another GREAT START? Recommendation #2, Brene Brown.
If you’ve heard me talk about Brene Brown before, you’re welcome 🙂 You may know I’m obsessed and that’s because Brene was the person who popped up in my life RIGHT at the time of the cyber stalking incident. Watching her YouTube video days after the first hate message came in, I CRIED.
I FELT FREE. I felt free from shame and opinions and the shackles of living in a I-really-want-everyone-to-like-me-prison. That prison SUCKS. Come join me in the arena that Brene references. The arena where we boldly fight in the dirt and we avoid listening to those in the cheap seats barking their opinions. It’s easier said than done and it’s something I have to work on over and over and over again, but it’s the most important work I’ve ever done.
Links to Brene videos & books:
Best book to start with: Gifts of Imperfection
A good follow up: Daring Greatly
And a good follow up after that: Rising Strong
Brene on Netflix
Brene on YouTube
Recommendation #3, find at least ONE PERSON to confide in when it comes to showing up as a personal brand and on social media. SOMEONE you can text, call, DM, Vox and who deserves to hear your vulnerability and story and will support you. All you need as Brene Brown says is one.
Recommendation #4 is to get bold enough to set boundaries. When a client of mine recently said their career path is criticized frequently by family, I suggested that they take that subject off the table and set that boundary. If someone DMs you something unwarranted and unproductive and meant to hurt or harass and cause emotional harm, BLOCK THEM. You teach people how to treat you through the boundaries you do (AND DON’T) set. Teach people to respect you through how you allow them to communicate with you.
Recommendation #5 is to get deeply connected to and fall in love with your WHY. Having a why changes everything. Simon Sinek wrote a book called Start With Why and it shows the MASSIVE impact that having a deeper and more meaningful why has on companies and how successful people become when they have a good one. Having a strong why can HELP override those emotional holdups!
FRIEND: You have this in the bag. You are not going to play small and live fearfully forever because YOU believe in what you are saying and you get to live your life on your terms. Enjoy your soul work and I’ll see you back on the blog to address your TECHNICAL holdups next! XOXO
*Transparency: This post contains affiliate links from Amazon, they don’t charge more to use but we receive a small portion of sales made through them!