I should absolutely positively NOT be blogging right now. My sweet Pursuit Conference roommate Kristi is smart and she’s asleep and here I am with eyes that can hardly stay open because of all the tears fallen from them today causing the salt to weigh heavy on my skin…I’m going to definitely have a cry hangover tomorrow. I just can’t sleep until I’ve written this to you yet.
I am so sorry you are burdened. I am so deeply sorry you are living in fear, anger and hurt. I am sorry things that are dark and buried rise to the surface in the version of resentment and that part of you knows and it’s causing you to crumble even further because it’s eating you alive. You’re literally consuming yourself and you’ve gone too far now to be humble and admit the raw, ugly truth to yourself.
The truth is hard, and fear is a liar. We know admitting and discovering truth means taking a long hard look in a mirror when we’re about to find out who we really are and talk about our feelings and what’s REALLY going on…and it scares the hell out of us, especially us living with very, very heavy burdens. Fear lies and says you can’t change, you’re your past, you’re your history and your family, you’re bad if people say you’re bad and you’re ugly if people say you’re ugly and you NEVER will have God’s beautiful ever lasting gift of grace to change for the better.
We’re labeling. Labeling is so dangerous. We label our fellow creatives and women and even complete strangers, and to me, that’s more dangerous than the negative labels we throw on ourselves because we think we have the right to look at another person and tell them what and who they are based on OUR own fears and insecurities!?!?! Because we’re TERRIFIED to dig deep and admit what we are, that we are jealous of them, that we are secretly wanting them to fail because for some sick reason that will make us feel better?
BREAK THE CYCLE. Don’t be that person anymore! Stop secretly wishing for others to fail. STOP trying to hurt them over and over and over. Stop creating one-sided, consuming, soul-destroying fights and issues that aren’t even there on the other end. Look into your own HEART and SOUL and come to terms with who you are and who God intended for you to be! Do you think God ever said, “please…go break that person down as much as you want” “compare yourself and be more like her” “don’t face your fears, run fast from them” — we are literally too much of our life going against what is ingrained in our hearts by Him to do and we KNOW that but we make excuses, fear based excuses and decisions, and don’t listen.
Stop. Listen. Breathe this in.
You get grace. You get second, third, four billionth chances. Don’t keep taking them lightly or even WORSE– consciously using the inevitable and predictable gift of grace as an excuse for perpetual bad behaviors. You don’t get to keep bullying because you’ll get grace for it later. You know better and He knows you do, too. Not just bullying others, but yourself. Stop being so mean to the person He created to love and share his Word with the world because you don’t think you’re good enough because you’re scared.
What if, today, you stopped making fear based decisions….and you also broke the cycle? Once fear starts to disappear, big things happen. We grow. We learn to love ourselves again and respect ourselves. We spend less time comparing, obsessing and dwelling on what others have and how we can intentionally bring them down so we can feel taller.
You’ve given me a minute today, and I want you to go give yourselves a few minutes to soak in that you are worthy, you are enough, and no matter who you are or what you’ve done, today is not too late to start loving yourself and others WELL, leaving fear in the dark where it belongs.
One of the most interesting things I have heard repeatedly at this Pursuit Conference (oh, there are SO many more blog posts coming directly from this experience…it was hands down the most moving creative business owner and personal experience of my LIFE) — it’s this: (Mark 12:31) Love thy neighbor as you love yourself. Do you know what this means? It means whatever you want to decipher it to mean but mostly it says you have to love yourself first before loving others. If you HATE yourself…it’ll eventually come out in the form of attacks, gossip and resentment. I’m asking you friend, can you go and look in the mirror and love that person back? Ask for grace, PRAY hard for it…and you know you’re getting that do-over without hesitation because He’s so good to us.