We hear it all the time (and I’m sure you have, too) … “marriage is work”. And, I get what most people mean by this. It’s tough to combine your things and your life and your time with another person and it’s not going to be seamless. It’ll require some (lots of) compromise, communication, etc. But…Mike and I have never loved the phrase marriage is work. I think it’s because the majority of the time it’s used, it sounds negative…like someone who is stuck in a job they don’t love but they have to go to anyway because well, it’s work. We like to think of marriage in a different light, and this could change things up for you a little bit, too.
First, something is weighing on my heart lately. We get a lot of DMs and emails from people who ask about working together as a husband and wife team, how we use Lifeflow lists together, and other marriage questions. One recent email broke my heart and I won’t share the details but at the end of the email, she asked what I would do about her situation. I had no idea how to help this woman because she is married to someone who does not contribute, care or want to communicate with her in any fashion. Antiquated “it’s the woman’s job” mentality is not something I can’t change, and she can’t either. I know too many women who use the phrase “my husband won’t let me” and talk about how their husbands do not do ANY laundry, dishes, contribute in any way and guys if this is how they are when you’re dating, you can NOT expect that things will change! You can hope they will, but that’s not a promise.
Don’t marry a jerk. You can think you’re enough to change a jerk but you could also end up married to the guy that grows into a bigger jerk year by year. Value yourself enough to know that you deserve someone who is willing to have an equal partnership with you so that you don’t get to a place where marriage is work. You have to WORK on your marriage, but the marriage should not be constant work. It should be vacation. Your safe haven from the things that life throws at you. Mike and I have worked on so many things in our marriage together in the last 7 1/2 years, including getting him to be better about remembering things, picking things up, cleaning up, etc. Lifeflow lists ABSOLUTELY were the biggest game changer of all for that. As I type this, he’s in the kitchen knocking out some morning duties and checking things off that list. An equal partnership where we both contribute and communicate well, imagine that. Welcome to 2018.
Every day is not carefree like a vacation…but when Mike walks in the door after working all day, I light up. Yes…because now I have help with the kids haha, but still it feels like this little rush of joy every-single-time. He is my vacation from the world when life is tough. Our marriage isn’t perfect but it’s definitely as close as it gets to that in our eyes. I almost married a jerk, too. I almost lived an entirely different life because I didn’t value myself AT ALL. When I saw a bright blue sky one morning in 2007 and decided to stop being sad all the time, I promised the girl I devalued for so long that I would have an amazing, inspiring and flirtatious marriage one day. The grass would be so green under my feet.
And that’s what happened 🙂 But rather, there would be lots of sand under our feet instead 🙂
Image by our pal, Lundy Photography 🙂
Want to keep up with an Outer Banks mama of three sweet (and oh so wild!) little girls shooting weddings & small business photography while making time for the things that matter most? Click on the links below and let’s connect!