It was a couple of weeks ago and I had had it. So many house searches and never finding something that we loved, that said HOME to us the way we dreamt of, frustrated with thinking it just would never happen anyway so why bother? And then the inner battles worsening to feelings of self guilt..do we deserve our “dream” home? What makes us entitled to getting what we want and what would make us happiest? There are people with so much less, and here I am burnt out on looking to buy a home. Selfish much?
But we know this is something we have worked very, very, very hard for. I remember just yesterday hopping off the public bus from my crappy low paying job and walking back to my crappy apartment to my crappy life. I had food and shelter so it could have been worse but I was so negative back then. So negative. So of course, I thought it was all a bunch of crappy crap so we’ll roll with that mind frame for now. When walking back, I did my daily check at the Dunkin Donuts drive thru for dropped change to collect. Kinda sad? Maybe, but those quarters and dimes sure added up! And then I would for the next fourteen years walk into homes that were never mine. I lived there, but they weren’t mine. OVER TEN MOVES, and although eventually my circumstances changed dramatically in the best way by falling in love, starting a business and then a family…I didn’t own a home that was truly mine and it was kind of the last piece of the puzzle for us.
When we get excited and share about this home, we will describe it as if it’s a palace. Make no mistake…this house has been lived in and it’s not full of big expensive shiny things. Sometimes, our gratitude causes us to paint a way shinier picture to the “average” person but it’s definitely got it’s awesome features, mostly being the water! The kitchen is updated, things look nice…but it’s not “fancy” by any means! We moved up but we stay humble, make no mistake about that!
If you are still, really still..you can hear the Lord whispering incredible mind-blowing things to you sometimes. What I’m hearing Him say to me right now, give or take a couple of valley girl phrases is something like this: “Girlfriend! I TOLD you everything happens for a reason. Why don’t you believe me when I say that?! You were denied approval to rent two other homes this year to break the cycle of renting. You were supposed to be taking a week break from Zillow when you found your new home because Zillow emailed you and showed you that a home you had you saved went down in price and then you poked around the new listings and saw your now NEW home that was only listed four days before you snagged it up with your offer being accepted against the others. You were IN CHURCH talking about and praising Me when you got the call the offer was accepted! You see me now, girl!? I know that’s right, working in mysterious ways!!!”
I guess I want to think of God talking a little bit like me, Cammy and Will Ferrell mixed together – I’m sure He sounds NOTHING like that but it adds to my story 🙂
We prayed over this home. We prayed for the people involved in helping us get this home and thanked You for their skills and hard work. We drew pictures of this home on our current tiny sidewalk at our condo filled with a sand spur mine for a yard we can’t go in. Last month…before we knew of this home, I took a picture of our current parking lot where it said GUEST and I prayed that my FUTURE GUESTS would have an amazing place to experience God’s goodness and spirit and I can’t think of absolutely anything more inspiring for our friends and family than a dock to sit at and a room filled with windows galore that looks out onto the canal. This place was meant to bring people closer to God, to us, and to their own happiness.
We can not wait to use this home to create more love, community, friendship and understanding. I can’t wait to use this home to listen to my friends stories and let them have our shoulders to lean on when they need it. I can’t wait to make sure God is present and moving through us in that house in ways we can’t even begin to understand but that we can surely feel with all of our hearts.
I can’t wait to hear the pitter patter of those girls feet in the hallways and to have girl talks in the window seats with them. I can’t wait to bake with them in the mermaid tiled kitchen. I can’t wait to share dinners on the patio by the water together. I can’t wait to paint one of those wood paneled bedrooms bright sky blue hahaha, and I can’t wait to give my girls their first official home.
I can’t wait for love to grow in this home.
Mike said “what are you taking a picture of?” I said, “you’ll see soon, but I can’t tell you until it happens” — a week later we found our home. I wanted a reminder of what this parking lot looked like so I can smile when we have our house full of people who parked in OUR driveway and in OUR yard 🙂